Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Notes for the Average Ultimate Frisbee Player

1. There’s a reason why they are always looking you off. And though scrimmage is not at all encouraged by virtue of the spirit of the game, you can always call their attention when you’re free for a complete pass. Trust me. I have long realized that those long sprints have just got to hurt! If you’re a guy, try wearing a skirt. The sight of your manly appendage peeking out may be enough to draw attention (if the handler doesn’t see you, the crowd will).

These guys sure know the drill. If you can pull this off with a disc in your hands, nobody will ever question your manhood.

2. Someday soon, you will be doing your very first bid for a lay-out. And yes, nobody will ever catch it on film or on their trusty digi-things. So do it again and again until somebody finally notices. Ask Joel Silver.

This guy didn’t get too lucky. He got captured alright, just not his face.

For all that dirt, you two boys forgot all about the disc!

3. Half of your Ultimate Frisbee career may be spent explaining what the whole thing is actually about. A percentage of that may be allotted to meaningful arguments where you need to convince them that Spotty or Whitey is not your teammate.

4. It’s ok to be filed for DUI (Diving Under the Influence). Just as long as you catch that disc, nobody will be keeping tabs on you. That makes Lindsay Lohan a potential player, if she can only stick to organics! So if I were you, loosen up a bit, have a beer, have an entire case! The whole point of the game is to enjoy, hence the smaller score boards!

6-9, and you may be thinking of a different type of “score”.

5. There’s no such thing as a bad hair day in Ultimate. Deal with whatever God gave you. You can go easy on the side burns, or have a full Freddie Mercury effect. The more outrageous, the better! On some accounts, you can even go without any hair at all. When this happens (due to heredity or a stressful middle-class job), make sure you make up for it with attitude.

"Momma...just killed a man...."

After watching Mel Gibson’s Lenten season film, I wouldn’t want to contest this guy.

If you can’t beat them at a good Mohawk, curl it up you twisted freak!

Well, if you're undecided, you can always go for a Curlawk!

6. Make use of ultimate terms as potential pick-up lines. If you sucked on the playing field, your chances at a tourney romance may be slimmer. But you have socials night to make up for it. Just make sure you don’t use “grappling” and “strip” together in one sentence.

The guy with the pink shirt almost got away with the grappling, but she changed her mind. The short guy got lucky though. There must be something about underwear across your chest that simply spells “pick-up”!

Didn’t I tell you not to do it on the field? She needs to down at least 4 bottles for the pick-up trick to work.

Wanna play with these goofballs? Here's a link, you know what to do, now do it!

Ultimate Club of Iloilo
Mighty Cocks

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